Dad went to Auschwitz.

and back...

Still overwhelmed by the whole journey.Need to put things in order.

Once again, after meticulous planning, off I went to take a photograph I had waited far too long to capture.

Years ago, when I first began this photo project, I realized there was no realistic way for me to travel to Poland. Then one day, passing by the skeleton of a familiar agricultural greenhouse structure, I remember thinking:

“Well… if I can’t go to Poland, then Poland will just have to come to me.”

And that is how the constructed “Birke-No” photomontage was born — an image built entirely on association, memory, and visual reflex.

More about the creation of that image here:

“Never Again — To Us, or Never Again. Period.”

But a few months ago, Christof heard about my almost two-decade-long urge to make this photograph, and offered that I join him, along with an incredible group of teachers and students, on their journey to Krakow and Auschwitz.

“You can give photography workshops,” he said, “and also take your photograph.”

I agreed immediately.

And then came the realization that I was voluntarily driving myself toward the largest factory of death humanity ever built.

The night before renting the car, I thought about the Jews who once lived near my current flat in Berlin. People who once lived near my current flat in Berlin received simple notices in their mailboxes, instructing them to report to Wittenberg Station — from where many began their final journey east.

And there I was — getting into a rented car, cameras and lenses packed carefully beside me — heading directly there - East..

East Drive plan

With out stopping along the way - I was rapidly approaching the camp.

My heart was racing faster than the car. I needed a surprising amount of mindfulness just to stay present and focused on the road.

On the way to Krakow, I decided I can and should make the stop at the location I planned to photograph the next morning, just to familiarize myself with the area.

The road signs had been vague for most of the drive.

Then suddenly, they weren’t.

Each new sign pointing toward Oświęcim tightened something inside me.

Every time I activated the turn signal, it felt reluctant.

Each turn brought me closer to the place where more than a million people were murdered.

At that point, it was time to reach for the humor I always claim runs through our veins no less than blood itself. I needed every molecule of endorphins, dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin I could recruit.

I managed to save (or so I thought) 20 crutial minutes before sunset, by driving along the camp fences...which was absolutly mind crazy - and as a guard came out to me and started talking to me in Polish (he was angree)...I clicked into mode.

apparently I want the wrong way and had to make a U-turn, which added more stress to the huge amount of stress I was in already...

First glimps of the camp

Finally got out the car with the gear, and shot some tests and back up incase - whatever and walked straight back to the car - to reach Krakow before dark (didnt make it...)

On my way back from a few tests I started to feel better, as thoughts and plans started to touch base.

I even managed to find some subtle humour on my way back to the parking lot:

One tour vehicle carried the slogan:“Our tours are your memories.”

Yeah...That stayed with me...

"our tours - are your memories" - shyah...

and looking back for the last time before I head to Krakow, I couldnt resist this familiar capture - to have of my own...

Sunset on the death camp.

Turned out it was a good idea to arrive the afternoon before and get a feeling for the landscape, because at 5am the next morning, the amount of fog and smoke hanging over the fields was something I never could have anticipated.

And photographically speaking, the fog became something I never could have planned for.

More about this journey soon to follow...

❤️‍🩹💫📸